love never dies

with what i have learned and all that i still have to learn, i must warn you. loving out loud comes with consequences. it requires you to feel it all. to be a part of it all. to allow people and experience to penetrate your walls and become a part of you. love must course through each vein if it is to quietly scream and proclaim itself through you. if your desire is to love and be love you must be prepared. prepared to hurt and love anyway. prepared to be changed and love anyway. prepared to bear parts of yourself you thought you'd never expose; allow others to hold those parts of you in their hands and in their hearts and love anyway.

as i get older and as a result of motherhood, i find it absolutely necessary to love this way. it keeps me equally sane and insane. a balance i find brilliant. it keeps me present and connected in this world. over a year ago a dear friend challenged me to participate in my life. she saw me hiding my light. i accepted her challenge. fearfully and fully, i decided to participate.  to engage. to date. to love in all aspects of my life. after all "love is not just a relationship status. it's a verb; it's an action; it's something that transpired between people. it's one human resonating with another." (the science of happiness: an interview with barbara frederickson)

i have dated a few and fell in love with one (so far). for a few months i was dorothy, swept away by the storm. wooed by a romantic. the type that bends down in the middle of a city street to tie your shoelace. that takes you to see shakespeare for your birthday. that buys you your first chimamanda ngozi adichie book instead of lending you his because he knows you and that you must own her work. the type that says you're beautiful and really means it -- made me really mean it.  being swept away is powerful. it is necessary. it allows us the opportunity to find our way home again. everyday i am learning new things about myself and about love. some say that love dies. i respectfully disagree. i think it can change. it can evolve. it can even revolt. but it never dies. it remains. a distant memory. a recollection. a reminder. 

this time around love was my lion and showed me that i am courageous. that i can love out loud and slay dragons. love was my scarecrow and reminded me that deep down in my bones; deep within in me is where all my answers reside.  they have been there all along. love was my tin man and showed me her heart and my own. love taught me to accept that i am imperfect and beautiful and human. 

september 7, 2014