for the love of derby: week two
i went back ya”ll!!! we all knew i would, but don’t doubt there was the little voice in my head, the one that we all have, that tried to convince me not to for so many reasons related to the things i know for sure today:
1. my body is so fucking AWE-some but i spend way too many days thinking its too fat or too old or too imperfect. my body has allowed two brilliant beings to come into this realm. my body is curvy and smooth in places and firm and a little bit lumpy in others. i have stretch marks on my belly and a few on my ass too. its really a beautiful and strong body just like all the other beautiful and strong bodies that were on the track with me today and i'm gonna tell myself how beautiful and strong my body is way more often.
2. sometimes i fall slow, sometimes i fall quick and thanks to roller derby i fall multiple times a week. i have always been scared of falling, literally and figuratively. (hard life for a former clumsy girl) falling has always been a sign of weakness and failure but today, a few times, i fell the “right" way and as i scrambled back up onto my skates, i was a little less scared for and ALMOST looking forward to the next fall … okay except the time i fell on my stomach and knocked the wind out of my own self. oh ... and the time i fell on my ass cause someone said “that was nice” when i did a crossover because at this stage i simply cannot listen to others talk and skate at the same time.
3. fear is the enemy of living the life you've always wanted to live or being the person you've always wanted to be or loving the person you've always wanted to love or saying the things you've always wanted to say or doing the things you've always wanted to do. i am really trying to lead with love and peace and not fear in this life. it's super hard and so very necessary. so fuck fear my friends. fuck fear!