for the love of roller derby: week six
from the moment i had children, i have asked myself this question "when they play back the story of their lives, what role will they cast me in?" i never wanted to be a mother. it scared the shit out of me. i can now say that it is the best thing i never wanted to do. i thought there was only one role for mothers -- mean mom, nice mom, distant mom, working mom... you get the drift. i now understand that people are complex and multi faceted and that holds true for mothers.
i hope to serve in multiple starring and supporting roles as my children live and recall their lives. advocate. supporter. believer. loving mom. the one person in their lives who always says yes more than she says no. honest, no-nonsense mom. sensitive mom who cries sometimes. warrior mom. disciplinarian with heart. guide. teacher. learner. someone who loves them more than there are stars in the sky.
simone came with me to derby this day and she said that she might want to do it one day herself. she told me that i looked way better than when i first started (translation "mom you didn't bust your ass as much as i thought you would"). she is often embarrassed when i dance in public (i'm amazing -- she don't know bout these moves) and finds me to be hopeless when she tries to tell me some of my outfits are hideous (my style is eclectically mine).
through it all though, i think she and her brother look up to me a little bit and perhaps i get to play the role of bad ass woman from time to time in the story of their lives. a woman who does what the fuck she wants when the fuck she wants to and because she fucking wants to. a mom who taught her children that life is meant for living and learning and loving.